PERSONAL STATEMENT – DRAFT NOTES
I have always had a natural flair for computers and this has become clearer to me over the past three years in full-time employment. I find that the IT skills that I use everyday as a legal secretary such as touch-typing and using specialist legal and accounts software have always come more naturally and easily to me, without any training, than others in my sector.
I have always had a very logical and analytical mind. This is demonstrated by my consistently high grades, specifically in the areas of Electronics (at GSCE level), Physics and Maths (at A level). I am a very fast learner and have always been able to pick up new concepts and methods with ease. I have always thought of myself as quite creative as well - at school I excelled at art and design and with my electronic products project I was a finalist for the Welsh Young Innovator of the Year Award in 2001.
I have also gained invaluable skills in employment in the last few years. I become a lot more organised when I worked as a Production Planner for a manufacturer and distributor of fibre optic telecoms equipment as I had many responsibilities, they included planning jobs into production and liaising with the sales team, checking stock levels, purchasing components necessary for jobs, chairing the daily production meetings and organising the despatches and couriers.
From October 2006 I have worked as a legal secretary. My IT and organisational skills have enabled me to excel at this. I am extremely efficient and have worked consistently hard to improve my own efficiency and implemented new templates and spreadsheets. I have also found my good internet research skills to be extremely useful. I always endeavour to improve myself and whilst working as a legal secretary I have completed a Legal Secretaries Diploma course at home and gained a ‘Highly Commended’ certificate.
As well as the skills I have gained the time I have spent in full-time employment has also given me far more focus and determination to succeed than I had five years ago. Supporting myself has also made me a lot more responsible and mature. I therefore feel that I have both the intellectual and personal skills to be able to successfully study for a degree in Computer Science at Bangor. The course appeals to me because of the wide range of interesting subject areas, the chance to combine theoretical study with hands on projects and the specific and technical skills which I will gain and I know are much sought-after in the workplace.
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Any helpful comments/suggestions or constructive critisism would be much appreciated.
Many thanks x
Thanks so much for your help guys, I’ll get to work implementing all your suggestions 
NB. I realise touch-typing sounds lame as an IT skill but it was mentioned as a useful skill to have on the course website so thought I may as well stick it in there
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Its very good but you only spoke of your IT skills really, what about you, as a person? Your communication skills, can you be a team player? Etc.
I think that’s very good.
I wouldn’t have classified touch typing as an IT skill myself - though probably others would. I’d be inclined to say something about using Word or Excel or about your internet and email skills instead.
The only other thing I thought was that you could say (if it’s true of course!) that you designed the new templates and spreadsheets as well as implementing them
One thing I immediately noticed is your obsessive use of “I” as the start of your sentence. Try to not have more than 3 sentences per paragraph starting with the same word or phrase.
I noted that Bangor has a clear mission statement. So, if I were the examiner, I would be keen to find out why you are choosing Bangor. Making a constructive compliment around the mission statement might improve your chances.
Your statement isn’t very well structured; an example of this can be the repetition of your job title found in paragraph one and four. You only have 47 lines to sell yourself, so every sentence counts. To give you a structured example of a personal statement you could do the following:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction as to what and why you want to study the course.
Paragraph 2 - Existing qualification that you hold that will support your application (mention specific details about certain modules studied that intersest you).
Paragraph 3 - Work experience (as mentioned by someone else, noting down the software applications that you’re fluent in will be of help).
Paragraph 4 - Your ambition for the future and how this course will benefit you.
Paragraph 5 - Your personal interests, hobbies etc…
As also mentioned try not to be so repetitive with your vocabulary, the word ‘I’ especially.
I’m not quite sure why you’re only applying to one university, you may want to reconsider as you will be limiting yourself. Even if you’re limited geographically for personal reasons, you can apply to neighbouring universities or similar courses at Bangor; it will give you a higher chance of being accepted.
Good luck and hope this is of help.